Coping with Depression

Firstly, no one has found a single cause of depression. More likely, there is more than one, sometimes a whole series, of reasons, and it will be different for all of us.

Life itself is often difficult, ‘tricky’ my friend would say, and contributing to this are problems with money, relationships, loneliness, bereavement, emotional or physical abuse, and loss of work – amongst others. But these are not the only causes, and it is often far more complex and deep rooted than one or more bad events in life.

Certainly some of us are more vulnerable and susceptible for all sorts of family, personality or body chemistry reasons. We are not able to discover the reasons and there are times when no obvious reason is known. We are here to support and to suggest some of the ways, mainly practical that are small changes which can help to alleviate depression, and lift us from that darkness.

When any of us is depressed, we can think and act differently to how we would otherwise be. And although almost everyone can have low moods at times, depression sis when those feelings become severe and affect our lives badly.

What we have learned is that small steps and small changes are the most likely to be helpful, and more likely to last for longer. And whilst most of us have prescribed medication and have clinical support, incorporating some helpful habits and strategies into our lives when possible also supports our wellbeing.

This page therefore is about some of the things we can do to help us. None of us are going to do all of them, and we have to find what is helpful for us as individuals. But all have been found helpful by others and are worth trying if we can.

'When you can’t look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark’

So, what might help.

The first thing to consider is

Stay connected

Alone, it is hard to keep any optimism so reaching out for support, although we know this is difficult, is important. We know, we feel like withdrawing from the world, but if we can try to reach out it is worth the effort.

We don’t have to talk about how we feel, in fact at times we may not want to say anything much, but appreciate someone being there for us. We are not a burden to others, and there is no weakness or guilt in reaching out and asking for help.

Here are some guidelines,

Look for support from people who will help us feel safe and cared for. Perhaps someone who will listen – or who will just be there, without any judgement or trying to ‘fix’ us (they can’t).

If possible make in person contact. Whilst there is value in social media, phone calls, texts and all have their place, we need quality in person time.

Find ways to help support others. I know, this can feel impossible, but in fact all of us can improve the way we feel if we can help someone else, or give an act of kindness. Just the smallest of ways can help us as much as the other person so give it a try. If you can make someone smile, it becomes almost impossible not to smile as well.

If there are social activities you are a member or can go to -try and do this. If it’s a safe space, others will understand if you say it is not your best day, but joining in is better than isolation, Honestly, even when we feel least like it, social activities can help a lot.

Your pet(s). Caring for a cat, or dog, having a bird feeder and looking after the birds, or any other pets is often really helpful. They are great companions. They don’t care what we look like, what we wear they make no judgement whatsoever. They can also help us get out and about a bit – taking a dog for a walk for example, and help to give us a routine. There is so much research that demonstrates how valuable pets are to our wellbeing.

Belonging to a support group. Whether it is the Link Club, some of our services or others the value of peer support and being amongst people who understand is immense.

Here is a quick possible checklist:

• Go for a walk with someone, or someone else with a dog
• Talk to one person for support
• Help someone else or offer a kindness, make someone smile
• Have coffee or lunch with someone you trust
• Call a friend or email – get in touch with others
• Ask someone from a support group or someone you trust to check in on you regularly, or accept the offer if someone says they would
• Go to see a film, or a social get-together with someone
• Take part in social activities or join a group or club

Get Active, exercise

Almost any form of exercise has been proven to help our moods. We don’t have to sign up for gym membership or try to rush into a workout. Just try to take some form of exercise most days. That can be hard when really depressed because all we want to do is stay in bed but if we can make just a little effort it si a start, and can always be increased a bit over time.

Walking. This is something almost all of us can do. It doesn’t have to be for long – try about 10 minutes to start. The research says that a 10 minute walk can help improve our mood for up to two hours – so it has to be worth a try. And if you can go for a walk with someone else then do that as well. Research also tells us that our energy levels increase when we do have some exercise and we feel less weary.

Dance. You can dance to music at home – put on a favourite track and just move, or watch a video from YouTube that helps you dance around the floor. Look out some of those old favourite songs on YouTube that you danced to when you were younger – give it a try. If there is a group nearby that does something dance wise that you feel you cold do then really think about joining it.

Other exercise and exercise with others. Perhaps swimming, or even jogging, see what you feel you can do. And if you can take any exercise with a partner or someone else – try a walking group or dog walkers group – then do so.

Home Activities

These are just some of the things we can do at home when we don’t feel like going out or when we cannot go out. These can be simple things like doing a crossword or Sudoku, taking part in an online quiz, or they can be practical things around the house.

When we are down, things don’t always get done so start with tidying a cupboard, sorting clothes not worn for ages, getting the laundry into piles ready for washing. All those tasks which demand energy and yet where we can find a sense of achievement once accomplished.

Whether you choose on any day to do some leisure activity, something you enjoy, – reading a favourite book maybe, or something practical the secret is to decide and then just do it. Because once we get into the activity it becomes easier. And having achieved one thing, you might find it easier to think about what you would like to achieve the next day.

Just letting yourself do something you enjoy – and achieving something at the same time can make a big difference over time. So if that is treating yourself to a really good coffee or a long relaxing bath – go for it. And make a note of your activities. See our digital pages for resources.

Something to help your health and make you feel good.

To help manage depression we also need to manage stress and try to do things that reward and can energise us. So this is about things that you enjoy. Even if you don’t feel like starting, you may find you will enjoy them once you get going.

Other things can help your overall well-being and these include managing stress. Stress just makes things worse and can also be the trigger for us plummeting into deeper depression. If possible work out what is causing the stress – it might be money worries, housing, children, a relationship – whatever it is try to get some help so that you can regain control over that area of your life. Once you can, it will help prevent our depression getting worse.

Sleeping. Sleep is often disrupted and in different ways. For some of us we cannot sleep and can end up walking the streets, literally, in the wee small hours. For others sleep is our escape and we often say we could sleep for 24 hours each day. Getting out of bed becomes a mountain to climb, and we can bury ourselves under the covers.

As far as possible, try hard to establish a sleep routine – perhaps reading something calming before bedtime, trying a chamomile tea or other soothing drink, taking a bath, whatever we can do, and whatever might work for us.

Mindfulness practice. This in itself can help depression and practised regularly is a good way to find some peace and relaxation, and perhaps to gain clarity of thinking. Because when we are depressed it is far easier to think negatively. Mindfulness creates a space, gives us some quiet meditative time. It does take practice, but here we offer mindfulness to help you and it really is worth a try to quiet our minds.

Eat for health. Ok, that sounds boring. But what we eat does affect our moods because many foods can affect our brain. Things like caffeine, alcohol, trans fats, and high levels of chemical preservatives such as are in fast food or the hormones in some meats all have an impact. And some literally set our brain racing

Most of us know this feeling. And it hurts. So if what we eat can make a difference, it is worth looking carefully at what we are feeding our bodies.

First up, there are times when we cannot be bothered to get a meal and we end up skipping it. Please always try to eat around every three to four hours or at least three times each day – skipping meals actually makes things worse and we can end up more tired and irritable. So don’t skip meals.

Avoid the quick fix feel good foods. Often the most attractive, and the ones we crave are the worst for us. Sugar and refined carbs in particular and this means sugary snacks, bakery pastries and items, or chips and pasta.

What happens is that the intake of sugar and high levels of refined carbs lead to a crash in energy and mood – and that then leads us to want to eat more of them, and we end up on a cycle of high and low which is harmful. It is also likely we will gain weight and feel worse about ourselves. Try to reduce or cut out these foods as far as possible.

In fact, Mindfulness can help here as well. Mindful eating can help us to be more aware of what we eat, and help with weight control, so it can be a win win all round. We are offering a Mindfulness for healthy eating course later this year.

Help yourself to B vitamins. There is some research that says a lack of B vitamins such as folic acid and B-12 can trigger depression. To help this either use a B vitamin supplement of good quality and / or eat more citrus fruit, leafy greens, eggs and chicken if you are a meat eater.

We can also boost our mood with some foods that are rich in omega-3 fatty acids. Again, research points to this as being a contributor to stablising moods. These are found in some fish such as tuna, sardines, herring, mackerel, salmon or anchovies. There are also supplements which can help if your diet doesn’t include eating fish.

We have a list of foods and supplements and their uses available on our digital page, courtesy of Ellie's Community.

Finally – sunshine. Sunlight helps to boos serotonin levels and helps improve the way we feel. So if possible, get outside into the sunshine (when it does shine) for about 20 minutes to half an hour each day. If it is hot then use a sunscreen – never take risks with over exposure to hot sun, but just aim to get outside. We can also bring light into our homes, open the curtains, walk in a garden or park nearby (see exercise) or simply sit outside the door to have a cup of coffee.

Remember also we don’t feel the same every day. There may be a day when we do need to switch off, retreat and just look after ourselves. And that is ok – none of us will manage to be ‘doing’ every day. So if we need to switch off, and lay back, then do. Just keep in mind this is an exception – a treat for ourselves when we are in need day, and try to get back on track when the time is right.

We hope within this page there is something each of us can try. Keep a diary or journal – see the digital resources page. Find out what works and don’t be afraid to try new things. Love yourself, and be kind to yourself.

Small steps taken gradually can lead to change, even big changes.

And always reach out for support. We are here for you.

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Any of us can be affected by anxiety issues, and for many it can be crippling.

Link and Connect, through Developing Potential, are here to support and help and here we offer some tips and tools which may help support us through the impacts of anxiety.

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety can result in different effects for different people although some are likely to be common, and at its worse, it is debilitating, extremely unpleasant and can prevent someone from enjoying their daily life – in fact it makes life very hard indeed.

Anxiety has in the past been referred to as ‘nerves’ but it is far more than just feeling nervous which all of us actually experience at various times.

Often stress lies at the heart of anxiety but again, it is more than that and when it is severe it is a very real and limiting problem for anyone and can last a long time.

Essentially anxiety affects us in four main areas.

It affects our bodies with physical signs such as a faster heartbeat, muscle tension, headaches, sweating, breathlessness and dizziness. We may experience all or some of these.

Anxiety affects how we think. Often when we are suffering we think to ourselves ‘what if’ or ‘I cant do this’ or ‘I cant cope with this’ so there is an emphasis on overthinking about what could happen or what could go wrong, and a fear. It can be a permanent feeling of dread, and can interfere with every aspect of our lives.

When we are anxious we feel differently. We can feel sad, fed up, exhausted, tired, irritable – and often our feelings can be misunderstood by others.

And of course anxiety affects our behaviours. Again this is different for every person. One person might fly around non stop almost as if trying to escape the feelings. Someone else may be immobilised, not wanting to venture out, or avoiding certain places and situations. We might put off attending to every day things like paying bills, or opening post or emails for fear of bad news.

Anxiety can be part of a number of conditions and includes social anxiety, social phobia and obsessive compulsive disorder. It can be a general anxiety accompanying depression.

Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) is when the worries and fears are so constant they they interfere with our ability to function or relax. GAD is quite common involving constant and chronic worrying, tension and nervousness that is not linked to one specific thing as in phobias but a general feeling of dread which impacts every aspect of life. Although it is somewhat less intense than a panic attack it is much more long lasting.

All of these areas can make normal life difficult and relaxation impossible as our minds are constantly buzzing. Anxiety Is draining and exhausting.

Our Thoughts

Nothing in this page is a replacement for professional advice and care and if anxiety is damaging our lives, we should seek specialist help.

However, there are some things we can try which might be of help. Not everything will work for everyone but we may find one technique which can help us cope a little better in our daily lives.

Anxiety is often a vicious circle as worrying about anxiety itself can exacerbate the existing worries creating a cycle of anxiety.

It’s important to recognise that it is our thoughts which drive our feelings, and our feelings in turn drive our actions or behaviours.

Often when worrying we think automatically as our brains have remembered and stored the ‘story’ about a particular situation or event so we think automatically, this produces the unpleasant feelings, and our behaviours follow. It is our thoughts which are unhelpful.

We can help to see how these are linked if we fill in some information using this format below

THE SITUATION

THOUGHTS

FEELINGS

WHAT YOU DID

HOW YOUR BODY FELT

THOUGHTS

FEELINGS

WHAT YOU DID

HOW YOUR BODY FEKT.

This process creates a loop from thoughts to feelings, what we do and then how our bodies felt - the physical impacts leading back to more automatic thoughts.

Your thoughts could be – ‘I can’t cope; No one wants to talk to me’

Feelings – for example alone, unwanted, uncomfortable, nervous

What you did – for example ‘Left the room. Hid away, went home, ‘

How your body felt – for example shaky, sweaty, trembling,

You could try writing this out for any situation.

Can we change our thoughts or manage them?

Well, yes its quite possible to do this but it takes practice. The thoughts which are unhelpful are usually the automatic thoughts and our brains are a very powerful tool and will create a ‘story’ and automatic thoughts about a situation if we let it.

We haven’t chosen the thoughts – they just pop straight into our heads without us having to think or choose them.

What matters is that a thought is not a FACT. Nor is it always based on reality. It’s very likely that we believe our thoughts, but really it helps us if we can question them. Often they are based on unhelpful assumptions (like something bad will happen, or I will pass out if I stay here)

And we can have unhelpful thoughts about all sorts of things – about anything in fact. There are many ways or patterns that unhelpful thoughts can follow – here are a few of them

• Catastrophising – thinking that something that has happened is far worse than it actually is
• Black and White thinking – never seeing an ‘in between’ sometimes called all or nothing thinking
• Emotional reasoning – this is when we treat our emotions as if they are facts
• Using must and should statements – giving ourselves fixed rules about what we must or should do and judging ourselves harshly if we feel we have not met these rules – critical of ourselves
• Jumping to conclusions – assuming we know what someone else is thinking and also coming to a bad ‘what if’ future state. So if someone doesn’t see us, we automatically think they are annoyed with us.
• Over generalising – if something didn’t work out once – then it will always turn out badly
• Dismissing the positives – ignoring any good or positive things that happen to concentrate on the less good or the bad
• Labelling – seeing ourselves as a failure just because one thing didn’t go well
• Personalisation – blaming  ourselves for something which is most likely outside our control anyway; thinking we must be at fault

If any of these sound familiar then it might be worth listing the thought patterns that your mind resorts to so you can recognise what is happening.

An Alternative

When you notice these thoughts, if possible it is worth stopping – take a pause.

Then try asking yourself some questions to test out the thoughts. Trying not to react automatically and pausing to stop your mind driving your feelings takes practice.

Try asking these questions. First STOP yourself and notice the thought.

Then ask

• What am I reacting to?
• Is there any evidence for this thought?
• What is it that I think is going to happen?
• What is the best that could happen? And what is the most likely?
• What pattern of unhelpful thinking is this?
• What would I say to a friend who had a similar thought in this situation?
• What other way is there to look at the situation?  Is what I am thinking fact or is it an opinion?
• Am I putting too much pressure on myself? Just because I feel bad, doesn’t mean that it is bad.
• How would I usually respond or react and what is an alternative way to respond?

We might not use all questions all the time – but being able to put thoughts ‘on trial’ – asking what the evidence is and what alternatives there are can be helpful.

Worry time

Worry can be an unhelpful loop going around in our heads often for far too long. We feel we have no control over worrying and this makes us all the more anxious.

Se we can try to set ourselves a ‘worry time’. This takes some control back, and can help us feel less overwhelmed.

Worry time works like this:

1. Decide a time of day that is our worry time – but only for about 10 or 15 minutes and not within an hour or so of going to bed – earlier is better
2. At other times of the day tell ourselves that we have put aside worry time and we will not think about what is worrying us until then.
3. When worry time arrives, set the timer on your phone for the 10 or fifteen minutes
4. During worry time we can let ourselves worry and think about what is worrying us – just focus on the worries not solutions and perhaps write them down. For the 10 or 15 minutes feel free to worry.
5. Stop as soon as the time is up, Tell ourselves that is it – time is up – worry time is over. We can stop earlier if we run out of worries before the time is up.

The point here is to try and limit the amount of worrying that we do and take back some control over our worries.

Breathing

Often when we are anxious we can over breathe which is not good for us as we take in more oxygen that we need.

Calming ourselves is very helpful and we can practice this at any time.

Mindfulness is also a way of calming our breathing,

So try this

Take a pause and get into a comfortable position whether in a chair or lying on a bed.

Then try to breathe at a steady rhythm. This could be breathing in for 3 or 4 seconds, holding that breath for 2 seconds, and then breathing out for 3 seconds. – whatever feels natural and not fast or hurried.

If it helps count as you breath – this can help focus on the breathing counting in 1,2,3, 4 hold and out 1,2 3 and keep this steady breathing for a few minutes. Even just three minutes has been shown to be helpful. Try to just focus on your breathing throughout.

This should help a feeling of relaxation. And if you were feeling really tense or even dizzy then a few quiet calm minutes can help. This takes practice but it is worth learning to adopt calm breathing.

Grounding

Grounding is another exercise we can try to help with feelings of anxiety and stress and is useful when we feel overwhelmed.

Grounding is about focussing on the ordinary to help take our minds off the thoughts in our minds.

To try
this, start by sitting comfortably and then focus on the following

• 5 things that you can see
• 4 things that you can feel
• 3 things that you can hear
• 2 things that you can smell
• 1 thing that you can taste

By thinking of these, we are giving our minds something else – which is ordinary and non threatening to focus on. It can give us space.

Other Options

There are other simple options which may help us in our anxiety. Here are some examples:

• A support network – try to build  network around you of people who can support you, or groups who can offer support
• Adopt a positive mantra – write out some positive affirmations that appeal to you – and which are loving and kind to yourself – put post-its on the fried or anywhere you can see them and make a habit of repeating these to yourself at least every morning
• Walk – take some exercise each day, even if for a short time of say 15 minutes. Breathe the fresh air and try to notice what is around you – walking can be very calming
• Set a routine – give yourself a daily routine so that there is some structure and purpose (yes, this can include your worry time), but ensure it includes things you enjoy and some things that are relaxing – perhaps in a hot bath, or with a good book.
• Journalling – keeping a journal can help us identify our thoughts and feelings and reflect on these. It can also be a good way to offload what is on our minds. Treat yourself to an attractive book to use, and perhaps choose one with a positive affirmation on the front.

Above all, be realistic there is no quick fix but if you can find those things, even one thing, which work for you, then some progress, and perhaps some relief can be found.

And remember, Link and Connect is here to help you. We offer support and connections so do get in touch. Email support@developingpotential.info